/Thursday, October 30, 2008@ 10:00 PM
Jokes for you! Enjoy~
Hi there, here are a couple of jokes for you all to 'de-stress'...haha ENJOY~~
1)-A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
-A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
-A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
-An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
-A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
-An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
-A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there. (Charles R. Darwin)
-A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
-A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
-A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
-A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
-A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
-A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
2) A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
3)
At the height of the Mad Cow Disease...Two cows were munching on sweet grass one morning.One cow said to the other "hey, heard about the Mad Cow Disease? Scary stuff, eh?"The other cow continued munching nonchalently... munch munch.."Arn't you scared??" said the first cow."Nope, not at all, I am a rabbit."
4)
The following are questions actually asked by attorneys during trials in Massachusettes and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
-"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"-"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"-"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
-"Were you alone or by yourself?"
-"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
-"Did he kill you?"
-"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
-"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-Lawyer : "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
-Mother: "Yes."Lawyer: "And what were you doing at that time?
-"Q: "She had three children, right?"
-A: "Yes."
-"Q: "How many were boys?"
-A: "None."
-Q: "Were there any girls?"
-Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
-A: "Yes.
-"Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
-A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
-Q: "And you took your new wife?"
-Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
-A: "By death."
-Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
-Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
-A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
-Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
-Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
-A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
-Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
-A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
-Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
-A: "Oral."
-Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
-A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
-Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
-A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
5)
Something motivational : Life is a Journey. If you cannot fly then run, if you cannot run then walk, and if cannot walk then crawl. So, whatever you do keep moving. :D Extracted From : http://forum.jobscentral.com.sg/showthread.php?t=25
Cui Wen
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